When I married Rick almost eleven years ago he came with a “bonus with gift” of lovely parents-in-law and three equally lovely teen-aged children. I became a new wife, a new daughter and a new mom all in one afternoon.
On Monday my father-in-law, G.S. Marshall, passed away. He had been suffering for a while so in some ways it was a blessing- in so many others it leaves a hole in our lives aching to be filled. Above is a picture of him in 1946 shortly before leaving to serve in the US Army in Germany.
Stan (my father-in-law, also affectionately called by me in the way he signed his cards to me-as Daddi-O) was only mine for these few short years. Being his daughter-in-law brought me all the distilled sweet mellowness of his older years. He didn’t have the responsibility to raise me, to teach me right from wrong, to support me or discipline me. I just got the good stuff-what was left over after a lifetime of hard work and experience. He had a brilliant mind and a strong will. He played chess with all the strategy of a Napoleonic General- taking no prisoners. Rick beat him at chess only once and held on to that victory with a proud sort of glee I’ve never witnessed in him at any other time.
Stan was an Engineer/Project Manager at GTE Government Systems and General Manager at CALNET Telephone for many years and actually retired from them twice as they asked him to come back to work after the first retirement. He also served on the planning commission in his Bay Area community for many years. Some of my favorite things about him were his witty jokes, his huge bear hugs (he was 6’4″), his love of words, his loving generosity towards me and the fact that he fathered my husband- the biggest gift of all. Stan was a connoisseur of fine wines and after the news, we drank a glass of good Cabernet to his memory. I suggested to Rick that it might be nice to dedicate the Chilean Cabernet he is currently making to the memory of his father as well.
Over the last few years, Alzheimer’s disease robbed us of Stan’s presence bit by bit- the amazing instrument that was his mind fell out of tune and he wasn’t able to hold onto mental clarity the way he wished. We’ve had to mourn in pieces along the way as he slipped farther away from us. May there soon be an end to the cruel losses that Alzheimer’s creates-may we find a cure. If you want to learn more about Alzheimer’s or donate what you can to research in this area so we can put an end to this waste please check out the Alzheimer’s Association.
We will miss our Daddi-O -though the sorrowful space he’s left in our hearts we hope will soon be filled everlastingly with sweet memories of him. We’re sad for ourselves but happy that he is released from all of the pain and confusion that he was experiencing. I am forever grateful for the chance to have known him.
Excerpt From
“Prologue of the Earthly Paradise “
William Morris (1834-1896)
OF Heaven or Hell I have no power to sing,
I cannot ease the burden of your fears,
Or make quick-coming death a little thing,
Or bring again the pleasure of past years,
Nor for my words shall ye forget your tears,
Or hope again for aught that I can say,
The idle singer of an empty day.
But rather, when a weary of your mirth,
From full hearts still unsatisfied ye sigh,
And, feeling kindly unto all the earth,
Grudge every minute as it passes by,
Made the more mindful that the sweet days die
Remember me a little then I pray,
The idle singer of an empty day.
Sounds like me, only I had the kids, and my father passed away, was so hard to see him forget, but remember some interesting stories I had not heard when my aunt, his sister would come over.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and yet I’m happy that you have such wonderful memories, of such a great Father in law.
Oh Gabs – I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. Although it can be a blessing as you said for him to have moved on so he isn’t hurting, it doesn’t stop the hurting of those left behind. I’m so glad that you can treasure the time you had with him. What a lovely tribute to an amazing man.
Hugs,
Holly
Wine Blog- thank you very much for your kind comments!
LisaRene- Aw thanks- you’re always here when I need you sweet friend xoxo!
Natalie- Thanks- very much- you’re lovely!
xoxo
Gabi
I’m sorry about the passing of your father-in-law. I know the memory of all that he was will live on in your memories.
Natalie @ Gluten a Go Go
Such a well said and heartfelt sentiment.
Alzheimer’s is such a ruthless disease, condolences to your family and thanks for the heart felt poem.
Kalyn- Thank you very much I appreciate your kindness.
April- Thank you, I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
xoxo
I am sorry to hear about your families loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
My sincere condolences to your family.
Thank you Courtney- you are so kind and supportive- I really appreciate you!
xox
I’m sorry for your families loss.Your father in law sounded like a warm special person. What a lovely idea to dedicate the new wine to him.